Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The 81st Oscars was a hugh hit for Australia's Hugh Jackman. That man can screw me anyday!

Okay peoples, the post you've all been waiting for. My thoughts on the scrags and hags of the Oscars. The hits, the misses, and all the air kisses, that's what Hugh Jackman is made of.

Hugh Jackman, in all his finery, blowing me a kiss as he stood on stage. He can blow me any day!
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie make the perfect couple, don't they? No wonder Jennifer Panniston keeps going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, about how much she hates Ange. But how can you hate someone that Brad actually wanted to have babies with!
Hugh and Beyoncy get jiggy wit it during the performance that Beyoncy oh so mimed! Oh no she didn'. Oh yes she did! How slack arse was that Beyoncy, you mimed during the friggen OSCARS. Shame on you, you tart. Can't you cover yourself up for once?
Virginia Madsen wearing a gorg red gown. Don't know who it's by but who cares. It's g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! Pity about the tat on her arm!
Whoopi bloody Goldberg, what the fuck are you wearing? You look so uncomfortable in it. Was it still breathing? Is that why you're pulling that face, cause it's tickling you underneath and you just want to kick yourself for wearing it. Girl, we'll do it for you!
Tina Fey looked okay in her silver/gold dress. While your stint with Steve Martin was kinda funny, the dress really didn't do anything for you.

Well here's the tart and her handbag. I can sooo see why she hates Ange, look at who whe's dating. John, ''I'll screw anything that breathes and walks on two legs. Oh wait, that's most of the women in Hollywood. I wonder if I can get Angelina next.'' Mayer.

Sophia Loren, what the fuck were you thinking? Stealing my toilet roll holder to wear as a dress. Yuck, I hope you washed it. And what's with the hair? What'd you do, run the dunny brush through it?
Sarah Jessica Parker. Stick ya tits back in, and do ya hair! We are soooo ova the same look you keep wearing.

Queen Latifah. So much for Jenny Craig, or was it Weight Watchers? You were supposed to lose some of that blubber from around ya middle. Looks like ya packed it on instead!
Penny Cruz wearing Pierre Balmain. Yuck! And what's with the hair? You may have won an Oscar, but jeez, get a stylist, or sack the one you've got.

Natalie Portman wearing Rodarte. Sounds like an old artist's name. I love the colour, hate the style. Get some colour around ya neck.
Australia's Melissa George, although since she lives in the US, you can have her. This is a Dolce & Gabbana. Soooo not flattering. Get some meat on ya bones.
Marissa Tomei wearing a Versace. So frigging what, she's anorexic, and the dress is fugly! Maybe Latifa can give ya some of her fat! Ya need it.
Miley ''I'm only 16 but dress like a 50 year old'' Cyrus. Her mother went with her, but obviously didn't dress her. Cause someone needed to.
Meryl Streep, dressed by Alberta Ferretti. Whoever the fuck he is. This dress is fugly, that is f-u-g-l-y! The colour, the cut, the thing itself. Yuck!

Kate Winslet, may have won the Oscar but bombed in the colour stakes. If this dress was in Blue, Pink, Red, Emerald or even Violet, it would have looked so much better. But a word of advice Katie poo, keep your opinions on Brad and Ange to yaself. Cause we'll just hate ya for it.
Jessica Biel, what the fuck were you thinking? Prada who? Justin prolly wondered the same thing, no wonder he wasn't there. Pregnancy rumours ahoy!
Frieda Pinto, from Slumdog Millionaire, should have cut that bloody sleeve off her dress. It will look so much better without it.

Heidi hi hi Klum. Love the red, love the arm bling, don't love the boring as batshit hair. Who did it? Seal?

Evan Rachel Wood. That can't really be her name. I thought it was Rachel Evan Wood. But everybody has it the other way round. Elie Saab did the dress. Just another pale, anorexic Hollyweird starlet.

Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart. An institution for 27 years. I wondered where Grandma's curtain material went.

Beyoncy Nolls, Shannon's sista, ha,ha, wore a dress designed by her motha! Cut the umbilical cord girl, and let that hair go.

Anne Hathaway. Where there's a Hugh, there's thaway. Ugh, bad joke I know. Eat some food fo God's sake. And stay thaway from our Hugh!

Amy Adams from the movie ''Doubt'' in a Carolina Herrera. Bling's a bit ugly, but I love the flaming red.
Amanda Seyfried from Mamma Mia in a Valentino. Hair's in the way, the shoes are fugly and what's with tha bow?

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